You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
