Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
