Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
