My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
