Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
