If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
it's great music for shaving your balls
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize