I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
