well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
