I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
how drunk are you?
Several
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
