Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
