I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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