Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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