There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
