I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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