You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I fill condoms, not promises.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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