is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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