Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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