Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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