i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
