Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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