I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
