I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
