I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
