I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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