So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
