I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
