I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
