Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I touched a dick in church today
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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