Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
