Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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