Your dad touched me again.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
