I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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