I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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