My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
