I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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