thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
