I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
