she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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