That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
