you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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