quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
