Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
