either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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