So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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