I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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