Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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