yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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