hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
