I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
