I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize