watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
