Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
