Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize