You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
