i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
