Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
