at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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