my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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