so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
