Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
