Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
