Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
