i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sorry about my life...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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