She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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